Author’s Note: I don’t own Law & Order: SVU.
The words ran through his mind. The baby was dead and now the only person he needed to protect was her. She may not want to be protected anymore. He knew if he didn’t keep her talking she was going to pull the trigger. He was not about to lose her again. “Chris, you need to think this through. If you kill him you go to jail. There’s no justice in that.” A moment passed and he watched her eyes glaze over in thought. She responded, “Justice? He goes to prison for what, 10 years and then he’s out and free to do whatever he wants? The bastard doesn’t care about anybody but himself. He didn’t even care about his own daughter. Someone threw $50,000 in his face to spend one night with me and he jumps at the chance. I knew I didn’t mean anything to him, but I at least thought he cared about her then he throws me to the wolves for a lousy 50 grand.”
She paused. Her breath became shallow and words came slower, “When it was all over I felt so disgusting. I walked up and down main street crying. I was in such a daze and I had lost so much blood I couldn’t tell what blood was coming from where. It wasn’t until I started cramping up that I realized what was going on. I don’t remember walking to the hospital, but I ended up there somehow. The nurse told me they found me out front unconscious. Maybe some good Samaritan took me, who knows.”
Elliot listened as she became more and more distant, lost to the story in her head. He got just as lost, the movie playing in his mind once again. His sister wandering aimlessly through the streets, keeling over in pain and covered in blood from head to toe. His hand tightened on the trigger of his pistol as he turned his attention to Marcus. The anger he had put aside was now slowly rising to the surface. At this point he was trying to talk himself out of raising his gun and shooting Marcus square in the chest. “Elliot,” Olivia whispered to him. As he turned his focus to her he felt the warm sensation of the tears streaming down his cheeks.
Her story continued, “When I woke up the nurse told me my daughter was still born. According to the law, my baby wasn’t even a person yet, but she was to me. Through everything he put me through I had one thing in my life to look forward to. I already had a plan to get away. I was going to introduce my baby to her uncle and beg him to take us in. I knew he would never be able to say no to that cute little face. I pictured that face everyday and I talked to her. I knew she was listening because she would always kick back. She was the only thing precious thing in my life and he took her away like he took away everything else.”
Olivia looked over at Elliot. He was trying his best to brush away the tears that continued to form in his eyes as she recounted her short brush with motherhood. He realized that he had been wrong all along. She didn’t want him to stop her; she wanted him to kill her. Olivia whispered to him, “Elliot, she going to kill him.” He nodded, “I know.” Chris caught his attention again, “I’m sorry you never got to meet her, Elliot. I know you would have been as proud as I was.” He responded, “I know I would have been, but, Chris, you told me the other day that you were a survivor. What that just hot air? ”
Olivia again whispered to him, “I have to stop this.” Chris added, “I thought I could move, but I can’t even close my eyes without seeing her face and it’s his fault. He killed her and I went with her.” Elliot finally nodded to Olivia. Things seemed to move in slow motion. He watched as Chris’ eyes suddenly became very aware and stared straight at Marcus. He watched her finger begin to squeeze the trigger. Elliot yelled, “No,” as a shot rang through the house.
Chris fell to the ground with a thud. Elliot holstered his pistol as he ran to her. He grabbed the other gun and placed it in his pocket. He rolled her over meeting his eyes with her. She clutched her right shoulder as the blood began to flow down her arm. He slowly helped sit her up as Olivia came behind them with a towel. Elliot grabbed the cloth and placed it over the seeping wound. Chris let out a deep breath as she continued to clutch the towel in pain. “You’re going to be alright,” he looked her in the eyes trying his best to not only reassure her but himself as well.
Olivia walked up to Marcus and undid the leather restraints. As he slowly made his way out of them she grabbed his arm and put one cuff around the first wrist. Soon she had both of his hands cuffed behind his back. She informed him that he was under arrest for soliciting, rape and assault and battery. She read him his rights, but unfortunately had to remove the gag to allow him to respond. She slowly pulled the tape and cloth from his mouth. He turned his sights on Chris as she sat cowering against the wall, “That’s what you get, bitch.”
Elliot took no time getting on his feet and in Marcus’ face. He removed his gun from his holster and pushed it into his cheek. Olivia held on to Marcus’ hands, but made sure to get out of the possible bullet wound path. “Elliot,” she softly stated. He took in a deep breath and stared into Marcus’ eyes making sure to keep his gun pressed against his face. “Say anything else like that and I’ll shoot you myself.” Marcus simply nodded too afraid to speak again. Elliot slowly removed the gun and re-holstered it as he returned to Chris’ side. “I’ll call it in,” Olivia interjected as she led Marcus outside. Elliot nodded keeping both eyes on his sister.
St. John’s Memorial Hospital
Elliot sat straight up staring at his recovering sibling as she slept. It had been a long day and he knew he should try to get some sleep, but it didn’t look like it was happening tonight. Visiting hours had ended two hours before, but he was determined to stay by her side that night. In the state she was in, any nightmare was liable send her back over the edge.
He could have tried to have the one arm she could move restrained, but decided it was best to stay with her and try to talk her down. She hadn’t said much since the earlier scene with Marcus. He really didn’t know what to say. As he watched her sleep he reflected on her face as a baby. He was ten years old, but he remembered that day like it was yesterday. He wished all nine months that he would get a little sister. The first time he held her she was so tiny with those big brown eyes and a full head of hair. He then began to picture her holding a baby that looked just like she did at that age. He then began to think about the births of his own children. The happiness he felt that first time he held each. The same happiness she was clinging on to before it was stripped away.
He wrangled his thoughts back to her sleeping face and focused in on her arm, now propped up in a sling after having taken a bullet. A bullet she wanted to pierce her heart just to take away the pain of everything she had endured over the past two years. One last bit of pain to escape the images in her head. He then began to wonder why he was able to resist that same temptation he had been lucky enough to save her from. The temptation to put his barrel in his mouth and pull the trigger to escape the images he faced everyday. Maybe there was some greater reason he was supposed to be here.
She shifted her head to the side now opening her eyes to gaze at him. “What time is it?” she asked. He looked at his watch as he stood from his chair taking a seat next to her in the bed, “2:23.” She rubbed her eyes, “That isn’t AM is it?” He smiled and nodded to her. “How’s your arm?” he questioned. “It’s fine. You know, I go there to shoot that bastard and end up getting shot by my brother of all people,” she sarcastically remarked. He shook his head, “Nope, that was all Olivia.” She looked off to the side, “Remind me never to piss her off.”
“Tell me the truth, Chris,” he quickly changed the topic, “You wanted me to shoot you, didn’t you?” She remained quiet as she kept her eyes away from his. A few seconds passed before she responded, “Maybe I did.” He shook his head, “You could have told me. I could have gotten you help. I still can.” Chris became really quiet. “Chris, look at me,” he requested. She slowly turned her eyes meeting his as he noticed the tear trickling down her cheek, “You were right before, about being a survivor. You could have ended it any time, but you didn’t. The reason you couldn’t do it yourself is because you truly didn’t want to. You may not think I understand what you’re going through, but I know what it’s like to not be able to close your eyes and disappear from the reality you face everyday. Even sleep isn’t comforting anymore. The loneliness and the sadness and then the horrifying experiences pile up until you feel like any second you are going to break. Trust me, I know how that feels, but you still wake up and get out of bed. Why? Because you hope that something better will come along. Maybe today things will be different. Not giving up makes you a survivor.”
She just sat and stared as his passionate revelation. As he listened to his own words he knew they weren’t just for her, he was also trying to convince himself. For the first time in a long time he actually felt like there was something worth getting up in the morning for. Maybe she was the reason he was supposed to be here. “Ever since I graduated I felt so lost,” she started, “Here’s your diploma now welcome to the real world. I figured joining the Army was a way of controlling my life, but I felt even less in control while I was there. They told me when to eat, sleep, what to wear every day. I get out and ended up right back in the same situation, only this time I wasn’t dodging bullets, I was dodging fists. All I wanted was to feel in control. I was having a baby. That was my small chance at something constant in my life. Just that one little bit of control. When she died, there was nothing.” She paused. “When I held that gun on Marcus I felt powerful. I was finally strong. Now that I’m laying here, I feel just as lost as before.”
“Will you speak to my friend? He might be able to help.” She turned away from him as she sat for a few seconds in contemplation. Turning back she said, “Yes, on one condition. You talk to him about what’s going on with you and I mean everything including what happened with you and Kathy.” He let out a sigh, shook his head and smiled at her, “You got a deal,” he stated as she returned the smile. She was right, maybe it was time for him to talk to someone. He had been avoiding it for so long, but now it seemed like there was no reason to run from it anymore. Everything she faced was mirrored in his life and he had just admitted it out loud. She finally got him to acknowledge that something was wrong. He chuckled to himself, maybe he was why she was supposed to be here.
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